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Shrinking Feeling

Psalms 34:5 (AMP) They looked to Him and were radiant; their faces will never blush in shame or confusion.

Rooted and grounded in love. I have been having to speak that and renew my mind in that these past couple of days. Something I said was not interpreted how I intended to present it. Presenting a message to a group is a very difficult thing. If something can be misinterpreted in a small group, just think about how much it happens on a larger scale. That was my thought. Did I make a mistake? Is it a mistake for me to even be speaking? I wanted to shrink back and hide again. The voice in my head was saying, “see, this is why you do not need to be up there.” I really don’t want to be up there anyways so that is good enough, right? Nope. My hiding place is not to withdraw, but to sink my very self into Him. He is my hiding place.

Matthew 5:14 (AMP) You are the light of (Christ to) the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.

Hiding in Him does not mean I am hidden from my calling. The Light was never meant to be hidden. Radiance is what you will continue to see. I will continue to work in the ministry of reconciliation. Whatever capacity He wants me to do it.

Did it shrink my confidence? Yes. I have a holy fear of leading others away from His heart. That was my question to myself? Did I draw anyone away from Him? Or did I get them to draw deeper to know Him more? Since it was the later, He calmed me. He put me into His rest. That is what hiding in His Presence will do. I have to continue to be Christ minded, not me minded.

This is a pretty short blog, but I felt like that I needed to share some vulnerable moments. In the moments that you are rocked and feel pushed down, keep your focus on Him. He is your hiding place, so that you can continue to let His Light shine through you.

Father, You are more than we can imagine. You are the creator of the universe. You hold everything in the palm of Your hand. Thank You for sending the Redeemer, Jesus.Thank You for the gift of infilling me with Your Presence with the Holy Spirit. Forgive me for doubting myself like it was all up to me. Forgive me for making it about me and wanting to shrink back. All I want to do is be close to You and bring others closer to You. Continue to knock off the rough edges. Continue to renew my mind and my tongue. I choose Your glory today. I choose to hope in You today. In Jesus Name, Amen.

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Walls of Protection?

Matthew 6:33 (AMP) But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.

Have you ever had a week, a month or even a few months that you became off focused because of words someone said to you? More than likely the transaction you had made you feel rejected, as to why you became off focus. This happens to me. My first reaction is to withdraw. I want to put up wall of protection. I want to put policies in place so that I do not hurt like that again. It is a distraction, because all my thoughts are on how that hurt. It distracted me from being able to write on Monday. The sad part is that I gave it the power to do it. What I learned yesterday is that I cannot beat myself up about that. During that week of distraction I was still aware of my need for my Father. I cried out to Him knowing that I needed His help to take control of my mind. Does that mean He is disappointed? Should I scold myself to get over it? Definitely not!!!Although I had a week of distraction, He still is not mad at me. That brought me comfort and peace. My mind was still focused on Him.

2 Chronicles 16:9a (AMP) For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth so that He may support those whose heart is completely His.

Isaiah 26:1-4 (AMP) In that day this song will be sung in the land of Judah: “We have a strong city; He sets up salvation as walls and ramparts. “Open the gates, that the righteous nation may enter, The one that remains faithful and trustworthy. “You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]. “Trust [confidently] in the Lord forever [He is your fortress, your shield, your banner], For the Lord God is an everlasting Rock [the Rock of Ages].

He is my fortress and my shield. I do not need to erect walls of protection because He is my protection. Our purpose is too great to shut ourselves in. It takes great faith to allow God to tear down your walls…it was by faith that the walls of Jericho fell. It takes great faith to keep your gates open to relationships. His is the best relationship. When we put up walls because of hurts and rejection, we inadvertently put up a wall to not allow access for the Father in that area of our life. We are saying that we have to protect it because we do not trust Him to protect it. It takes great faith to trust Him with your heart. It took about a week this time. The time periods are getting shorter and shorter. I celebrate in that progress!

Do you struggle with rejection? I would love to hear from you and share some tools that I have used to help me in this area. You can message me at amanda@desiringformore.org.