Hebrews 12:2 (MEV) Let us look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

About eight years ago, around this time of year, my husband and I went through tremendous heart ache due to the church that we are leading. Some people that we love dearly decided that they did not want to be with us any longer. They had led and were very much a part of our life. They just did not want us to be their pastors, and it was due to an offense. We knew there were issues but did not know what. It was a punch in the gut, because they were not just a part of the church and leadership team, but they are also family.

My husband and I were at breakfast and talking about it just being too hard, and we decided to quit. We were going to give it up. We had taken on a financial giant, in running the church, and were paying for it personally, as the church did not have the funds to meet the needs. Not even five minutes after the agreement to quit came a phone call from a very trusted leader in our life. “God said, don’t quit.” Someone hundreds of miles away, not knowing the situation we were in, and God told him to tell us not to quit.

Daniel 7:25a (AMP)  He will speak words against the Most High [God] and wear down the saints of the Most High

The enemy wants to wear us down. I have to tell you, he has been busy at work lately. However, I put it together. He does not have a new trick, he wants to use the same ones and he will do them around the same time. Just like the seasons are there, so are the enemy’s schemes. This time of year again, I have been in a battle to not quit. He does it through the avenue of wearing us down. I have had two instances in the past two weeks of having to love through the hurts. Praying not to take an offense, to not take account of a suffered wrong, to not allow how others treat me determine how they treat them. Why? I am deeply loved and rooted and grounded in the love of Christ.

Did I have a moment to entertain what it would be like to quit? Yes. I imagined what it would be like and I grieved. I grieved because those thoughts were not full of faith. I had to cast them down and repent.

1 Corinthians 9:16-19 (AMP) For if I [merely] preach the gospel, I have nothing to boast about, for I am compelled [that is, absolutely obligated to do it]. Woe to me if I do not preach the good news [of salvation]! For if I do this work of my own free will, then I have a reward; but if it is not of my will [but by God’s choosing], I have been entrusted with a [sacred] stewardship. What then is my reward? [Just this:] that, when I preach the gospel, I may offer the gospel without charge [to everyone], so as not to take advantage of my rights [as a preacher and apostle] in [preaching] the gospel. For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to everyone, so that I may win more [for Christ]. 

I have heard it stated that when it comes to quitting church attendance, “my life is so much better.” When I imagined life without it, my heart ached. I cannot quit. Woe, is a word of grief. I have grieved because I have a deep love for people. I desire them to grow closer and deeper in this love that Christ has for us. I grieve when self wins over the life He desires for us.

Why do you think I have been challenged lately? I know. Just a couple of weeks ago I praised God for answered prayers. I encouraged you all to be patient in the waiting, but to also be faithful in what He has called you to right now. Don’t rush the solution, was a praise report of the faithfulness of our God. The enemy hates our praise. He wants to shut it down. Do not settle in for a pity party. Get you some confetti and start a praise party.

1 Corinthians 4:1-2 (AMP) So then, let us [who minister] be regarded as servants of Christ and stewards (trustees, administrators) of the mysteries of God [that He chooses to reveal]. In this case, moreover, it is required [as essential and demanded] of stewards that one be found faithful and trustworthy.

Faithfulness is one of the fruits of the spirit. I will not be very good at producing this fruit if I am not rooted and grounded in the love of Christ. I want to be trustworthy. I am reading Daniel and some of the things God revealed to him were because he was trustworthy.

Daniel 10:19 (AMP) He said, “O man, highly regarded and greatly beloved, do not be afraid. Peace be to you; take courage and be strong.” Now when he had spoken to me, I was strengthened and said, “Let my lord speak, for you have strengthened me.”

The Lord has strengthened me. I am persevering in this time and looking forward to what lies ahead. I desire all that God wants for us in this life. The part that wants to quit, is a part of me that is still living and against the new life in Christ. I am asking the Holy Spirit to search within me. Reveal the areas that are broken and put them back together. I do not want to be deadened to what He calls glorious, His church. I am pressing forward. So here is a prayer I took from Habakkuk:

Creator, Abba, Father You are Holy. You are worthy of all Honor and Praise. Thank You for Your Son and the gift of the Holy Spirit. As with Habakkuk, though there seems to little fruit yielded and it is hard to see the blossoms, what has yielded looks to fall dead to the ground and rotted. We choose to focus on what has bloomed. We repent for making it all about us and self-focus. We choose to focus on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. We choose to rejoice in the Lord. We choose to shout in exultation in the victorious God of my salvation! The Lord God is our strength, our source of courage, our invincible army. He has made our feet steady and sure like hinds’ feet and makes us walk forward with spiritual confidence on the high places, of challenge and responsibility. We choose hope today. We choose forgiveness today. We choose love today. We choose joy today. In Jesus Name, Amen. (Habakkuk 3:17-19)